Archive for 'Me 12 Times'
Well, this is so far my most exciting “just me” post, because it’s not just me. As I set my alarm clock Friday night to wake me up at 4am the next morning to head to the hospital to be induced, I grumbled at the thought of 4am. I turned off the light, laid my head on the pillow and within seconds felt a pop. Oh. Crap. So turns out, thats what it feels like when your water breaks. Long, intense, crazy, whirlwind, surreal story short, Bo decided he didn’t really feel like waiting a few more hours, and was in fact born 4 minutes before our induction time. At 5:56am on Saturday, May 12, Boden James breathed life for the first time and took my very own breath away. I’m still in a state of shock somehow. I remember just saying over and over, “where did you come from?!” when they placed him, seconds old, on my chest. I had a hard time truly believing we were going to actually have another baby – even at the very end, I didn’t really believe it. I think I now understand why. It’s really hard to imagine the best possible thing in the world happening to your own self. Especially when you’ve been so incredibly lucky once before. I didn’t really think it could happen again. But it did, and I have a heart full of joy. Bursting actually.
So this isn’t just me. This is me, and my Bo. All 8 lb 7 oz of him.
Last month I was up to my eyeballs in boxes while packing, this month I am up to my eyeballs in empty boxes as we are still unpacking. To say I’m in a fog would be an understatement. It’s a lovely fog to be in though, and one I haven’t seen in quite a while. I’m trying to focus on the things that are happening in my life – moving into our “forever” home, preparing for another baby, soaking up as much Sam and Mommy time as I can as I realize the chance may come around less often come mid May. As I sit, hillbilly style, on my John Deere in the garage on my laptop writing this, Sam is playing in the dirt, which is also his new favorite thing to say over and over. This is dirty, that is dirty, thats dada’s dirt, etc. It’s a lovely fog to be in for certain.
I think it’s safe to say that my life will probably never be the same. I’m in a slight panic thinking about how will I ever get anything done when there is another little boy here. Will I ever paint my office so I can hang up my shelving and start to really organize? Will the baby’s clothes ever have a dresser set up so I can wash them and put them in their place? Will I ever get that bookshelf set up in Sam’s room or are his books destined to be forever scattered on the floor, making each of us slip and sometimes fall daily? Will I ever find my can opener and ice cream scoop? How will I ever shower again when there are two of them and only one of me?
So while all of those thoughts are constantly in my head, I sometimes choose to stay in a state of fog over one of reality. I think it’s a wise choice. And I might just stay in that state for a little while. At least until I get used to my new normal, whatever that may be!
My craziest month of the year. Nearly every year since 1998 when my house burned down as I stood in the cold early morning air and watched standing next to my mother. And then years later losing my Henry in March, and then welcoming Sam. Whether highs or lows, the month is always crazy. And this month is proving to be no different. We bought a house, and are (hopefully) moving before the end of the month. Another life changing event. A very high high, but still crazy.
So as I am up to my eyeballs in boxes, I find I can’t tell whether my exhaustion is from being over 7 months pregnant with an incredibly active, and somewhat large, baby boy, or if it’s from keeping busy with the photography business, or possibly from sorting, organizing, and packing our house. If I could only stop my mind from wandering I might be more productive, but I am so excited to mentally place furniture where I think it will go. To think about which drawer in the kitchen will be for utensils. Which way Sam’s crib should face in his new room. Day dreaming all day long. And so excited to have a fresh start in a virtually brand new house. It doesn’t even have a sidewalk yet, and I’ve already envisioned us all stamping our hands and carefully writing “2012″ on the freshly poured concrete. Exhaustion has my eyes heavy and closed, but that single thought can get me smiling no matter what else is going on.
So here I am . . . in March 2012. Excited. Growing. Exhausted.
